The Waterboard

This is our new song about the beautiful men of Ulster
…

It’s bad enough the economy is slightly more stable
the money is heavier and they’ve got painted gables
the counties are contested and the politics detested
but the faces of the men they can’t be bested

High and low we’ve searched the Isle
But it’s the men up North that make us smile
Ride me sideways and touch my boobs
With men from Ulster you don’t need lube

Not all of Ulster it must be told
Sex is in the six that  De Valera sold

King of the jockeys A P McCoy
Paddy Wagon driver Mr Troy
Mr Murphy from our kids school
We spoke on the phone and it made me drool
Ruari O’heara speaks in Gaelic
he’s one Derry tour guide I’d like to lick

Not all of Ulster it must be told
Sex is in the six of which the Queen has hold

Munster men they’re next on the list
Chome and Blind Boy we’d like to shift
Michael Fassbender he can bend-er me over
But he still can’t compare to the men of Ulster

Not all of Ulster it must be told
Sex is in the six with the Falls road

Leinster next but that’s scraping the barrel
they’ve only really got Colin Farrell
Ruby Walsh but he’s gone Grey
and Oscar Wilde but he was a gay

Connacht; well it’s a woman’s hell
Crommy was right and the men are shite

High and low we’ve searched the Isle
But it’s the men up North that make us smile
Ride me sideways and touch my boobs
With men from Ulster you don’t need lube

Up the men of Ulster they’re something to behold
Not all of Ulster it must be told
Sex is in the six that  De Valera sold
Not all of Ulster it must be told
Sex is in the six that  De Valera sold